Super Kinky is a fast-paced First Person Shooter with quite a unique theme to it. You play as a nameless female character that has received superpowers after a particularly great threesome and then penetrated her way into the second layer of hell after all of Earth’s sex toys have been stolen. Yep, this is how off the rockers we are going as we delve into this game, and trying to make sense of the gloriously over the top madness. It knows how silly it is and takes every opportunity it gets to take the piss with its nonstop display of crass humor. This will obviously not appeal to many people and taking a quick glance at its store page will give you a clue if you are one of them. I say only a clue because the game goes so much further with its over-sexualized nature of just about everything, so you will have to jump into the deep end to truly experience what’s on offer.
Starting off, you have an option of choosing from one of the three arenas to hold out in as long as possible. It doesn’t really matter which you choose first. The first thing you’ll experience after picking one, is finding yourself wielding a giant dildo sword with some feces smeared on the tip. Your trusty sword can also spawn in with a plaster of blood on the tip or completely clean. It offers no gameplay change whatsoever but…yeah, it’s best not to think too long as to why this feature was even included. The other two weapons in your possession include a shotgun and a chain-gun, both being completely normal, surprisingly enough. With that important knowledge, you are ready to enter the arena proper and face the multitude of demons awaiting to beat you with their own dildo swords.
Well depending on the stage at least. Only one of them features skeletons wielding the phallic weapons of doom. The other two feature zombies (with their penis out) that simply slap you, as their common enemies. With such a dangerous enemy, you won’t be blamed for immediately pulling out your gun instead of trying to beat them at their own game using your dildo. Indeed, that is for the best since your range with that sword is awful and due to the horde based gameplay, will get you swarmed if you try to use it. There is a power-up that temporarily makes enemies explode when they are struck with it, though it has no area of effect so you will still only be taking out a single enemy at a time. This is not a wave-based shooter, you kill one foe and another will immediately take its place to ensure the pressure is always high. Melee is your last resort.
The shotgun suffers from the same problem. It does good damage and has a decent range, but you will still only be killing one enemy at a time as there is no spread damage to surrounding foes. Your only weapon for some quick crowd control to temporarily thin out their numbers is the chaingun. It is pretty darn satisfying to use and you will be able to slay a score of enemies in no time flat. Predictably however, your ammo for it will dry up in a jiffy and with the ammo being random enemy drops, it comes down to rng as to when you can use it again. The arsenal of weapons and abilities really don’t gel well with this type of gameplay. It really lacks anything to let you cut down swathes of the horde like explosives or any number of power-ups a title as crazy as this could easily add. Combat is all strangely by the numbers with no creativity to it minus random smut.
Ultimately, what you want to do is not kill, but to score as a high as possible. There is no respite from the relentless horde and your only tasks are to collect three of a random set of items, such as ball gags or beads. These collectibles and many more can be randomly dropped from a defeated enemy. It can be quite fun keeping an eye out for what you need and making a mad dash through the horde to get your prized item. The other collectibles still net you points too so it becomes a process of how to navigate your way through the horde unharmed, while slaying more at the same time to rake in more drops. Your movement speed is comparable to old school fps titles, aka blazing fast. It is all too easy to lead and control the crowd of common foes, with your only real worry being the special enemies that can throw fireballs or drain your health from afar.
There are a few different other special enemy types, though none truly change the flow of things all that much. At most, you’ll find yourself freaking out when you run out of ammo and your only option is to melee a suicide bomber. In cases where you are injured, it can be all too easy for someone new to the game to wonder what in the world is a healing item with all the junk littering the ground. The thing that will heal you are the nurse cutouts for 25 hit-points. Like everything else, them dropping is random so your luck can play a major role as to whether you survive longer or not. An interesting addition is magazines that may drop, which you can later view and feature naked women in all sorts of weird cosplay. It is very akin to Mafia 2 and the Splatterhouse reboot method of rewarding the player…except even crazier.
As much as I don’t like many aspects of the combat, the collecting specific items and shooting for a high-score actually managed to rope me in. It triggers that arcade gamer in all of us whose eyes will be glued to your score as much as the action itself. That makes it a pretty big shame that it doesn’t have any online leader-boards to keep you playing past beating your own score on the three identical stages. This is certainly not the type of game I can imagine most of us telling our mates to come over and attempt to beat your Super Kinky score, only for them to laugh then realize you are completely serious. Like with that bizarre scenario in my head, the rest of the game gave me quite a good chuckle. It’s craziness sadly does not carry into the gameplay, though for what it is I do not regret my time with Super Kinky and the watch list I’ve surely been put on for purchasing it.
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