Sperm-Star is an FPS game in where we are tasked to collect blue orbs scattered about each of the three levels. Our nameless protagonist will face considerable opposition from the all-female defense force. Luckily, he is armed with a weapon to surpass Metal Gear, his penis. That’s not even a joke, the flippin thing is like a rail-gun and can snipe enemies from across the map. With meat scepter in hand, our hero rides in to reclaim those orbs. Why? I don’t know, the game is entirely in Japanese. I’m sure the lore is deep though.
There is nothing to really cause issues for those of us that can’t read Japanese. The controls are in the standard wasd & mouse control scheme found in all modern first-person shooters. After starting it up, we are immediately tossed into a small town full of enemies. As you will soon find out, they have terrible vision. You would have to walk right up into their faces before they register your existence. Shooting them alerts the enemy you struck with your ‘yogurt slinger’, though they will also be stun locked, allowing you to effortlessly unload at their defenseless state. Difficulty is nearly nonexistent in this title.
The thing you will be having trouble with the most is the massive hitboxes. It is very difficult to shoot accurately in a room full of downed foes, since you will keep hitting them instead of the person that still poses a danger. Items will also block your shots. At times, it is just better to run right up towards everyone and shoot your goo, my dude. The damage you may receive is very minimal and there are first aid kits everywhere. You will find that there are no difficulty options, what you see is what you get, sadly.
As superhuman as your ability to shoot your baby batter across the continent is, you do have limits. You have only 100 shots before you run dry and must find some Viagra to recuperate your solid snake. That is no problem, pill canisters are also scattered everywhere. You can sling your web more than Spiderman himself and you’ll be fine. Only the first level has an open-world feel to it. After that introductory little town, the rest of the stages are gray corridors. Heck, the second level has less detail than Wolfenstein 3D which came out in 1992. The walls are a textureless gray and is just a massive downgrade from the first stage.
Level design is really weak. The first level is tiny and you can see all the blue orbs you’re required to collect easily. With the rest of the stages, they are largely linear corridors. One thing you’d have likely noticed by now is that the objects are 3D, while the characters are sprites. It is an interesting look, though it does negatively affect the hentai aspects of this title. You see, when an enemy is downed, you can go near her and she will ride your skin flute. With how low res the pixel art is, you can’t really tell what is going on. It does not work well at all in the first-person view. There is only a single sex animation too and it activates at quite some distance. It is not uncommon to have multiple sprites in the riding animation at once. The hentai here is barely worth considering.
There actually is a fourth stage, yet it is a boss arena. It is underwhelming, to say the least. You’ll just be facing a UFO that poses little threat. In total, this title lasted me around ten minutes. I wasn’t even going at a brisk pace, it just had very short levels and no challenge to hold you off for a bit. After that, there are two other modes. The first is Fun Mode. You are trapped in a small room with every enemy variant, with them being defenseless. You can down them with your spunk musket and activate the sex mode, like you’ve been doing throughout the entire campaign. Eh, more options are always good, but there is little reason for this one. There is a single sex animation as previously stated and you’d have seen it a ton in the ten minutes it takes to get through the campaign.
Finally, you have the Infinite Mode. This one has you stranded in the middle of a forest and has you fight for survival as long as you possibly can, until your inevitable fall. It was pretty fun. I actually enjoyed it more than the campaign and is where I spent most of my time. The girls come from all sides and know exactly where you are. You have to be on top of your game as you swerve past trees and take down your foes as if you were in ‘Nam. The items like health and ammo respawn in a wide-open field, making it a necessary risk to go into the open to resupply. Good stuff, this mode was a welcome surprise.
Sperm-Star is a two-dollar title. That helps soften the blow of the lack of content. The Infinite Mode is what really saved it. It is a good bit more fun than the Campaign, which devolves into linear corridors after the first stage. Infinite has a single map and will get repetitive quickly too, yet it does offer some decent entertainment for the price. As for the hentai, that is simply implemented really badly and should not weigh into your reasons when considering buying this game. The novelty of using your penis as a weapon does not get old due to the short length.. of the title, that is. It is a short and cheap experience which you will chuckle at for a bit, then proceed to forget about the day after. There is some fun to be had with it if you are willing to spend a few bucks, though hardly something you should rush out to play.
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