SexyHub is in the developer’s words a reimagining of the famous adult-oriented Atari 2600 game known as “Beam ‘Em & Eat ‘Em”. For the younger readers out there, that title’s gameplay consisted of taking control of two women and trying to catch the semen of some random guy shooting his baby batter from the top of the screen. That is bizarrely enough not the way it works here. Instead, we only take control of a single woman and the speed of the action is far faster. This plays more like Kaboom than Beat ‘Em and Eat ‘Em. You will certainly still be catching enough male fluids to fill a small pool though.
There is still no explanation why some guy is shooting his load off of a four-story building and a woman is waiting below to guzzle it down like some hentai version of Kirby, but some things are best left unanswered. Starting off, we have the choice of jumping into either Amateur or Professional mode. I highly suggest beginning with the former. Another difference with this game is that you are simply tasked with surviving 20 waves, not getting a high-score. That can be accomplished in a few minutes if you are experienced with this genre. If not, expect no mercy. You are only allowed to miss three loads before having to start over. That may not sound so bad until you see how many can be shot out at the same time, and how fast consecutive misses can end your run.
Amateur mode is more like the tutorial. It has relatively easy patterns for each wave that is used to get you adjusted to the gameplay. Some adjusting will be needed for near everyone. Ideally, this genre would be used with a Paddle controller, but there is no gamepad support. That in itself makes this more tricky, and makes the faster gameplay compared to Beat Em & Eat Em immediately noticeable. You either control your character with the W and S keys or the cursor arrows, whichever you prefer. It controls pretty well, though do not expect to become a SexyHub world champion from the moment you start.
You don’t actually have to catch the semen with your face. As long as it touches your body, it will still count. Letting one hit the floor will deplete one of your three hearts. Lose them all and it is game over. It is a simple concept that anyone can grasp and pretty addicting to try earning a victory you’ll be proud to tell your friends about. There is no nudity to be found while in-game. Our character is in her undergarments and the man with near-infinite sexual stamina up there has a black bar censoring his Johnson. The bland artstyle works in this title’s favor as there is nothing to distract you from the gameplay. Too much detail could have easily made the white blob of throat yogurt falling from the heavens hard to spot.
To help you keep track of what wave you are on, this game has an announcer. She will announce what round you are currently on after completing a wave, and will progressively sound more sexually excited. By the time you hit a dozen, you may want to turn the volume down a tad if your wife or significant other is nearby. Or turn it up to proudly let her/him know what you just spent a dollar on Steam on. When you actually complete all twenty waves, you are not met with much fanfare. There will just be a black screen with some text saying “Congratulations, you beated the game!”. I was expecting lewd content, at least. There is a surprising lack of adult content incorporated into this title’s gameplay.
Where this game earns it’s ‘adult only’ moniker is in the Bonus Gallery you access from the main menu. All of the H content is unlocked right from the get-go. From this gallery you will find some images and short animations. Most of them include your character and some red-headed female that is never seen in-game. In some scenes, the redhead assumingly grows a penis to plow your character. There is no sign of a strap-on. Oddly enough, the male asset is never used. All of the lewd content is female only. It should be noted that all of them do not seem to be complete. Some animations and images simply state that it will be cumming in the next update.
Trying to master the Professional mode is where you will spend the bulk of your time. The Amateur difficulty can be conquered fast enough, but professional is another story entirely. The waves are much longer and the patterns get a whole lot more tricky. That man on the fourth story roof now moves like he is either possessed or is using his newfound superpowers to make this reviewer salty, as you still only have three tries. The patterns are premade, meaning you can eventually memorize them with enough trial & error. I’ve always loved this genre and had a ton of fun trying to accomplish this. Even the Amateur mode is difficult enough to make me hesitant to wholeheartedly recommend this to someone not into the genre.
As previously stated, this does cost just a single dollar. It is definitely worth that to get your Kaboom fix without breaking out the ol Atari 2600. Or maybe just getting it for the porn or simply giving this genre a try. I’m not saying this is better than Kaboom, or even the original Beat ‘Em & Eat ‘Em, but much like the hentai version of Custer’s Revenge, this is a neat novelty that captures the spirit of its inspiration. An interesting thing to note is that there seems to be a third mode in development that is stated to come in a future update. If I had to wager a guess, I’d bet it would be an Endless mode. Either way, there is enough content for the price already featured and is a fun title to boot. Don’t let the Unity look of the title fool you, SexyHub is a good time. More so if you are here for the gameplay instead of the lewds.
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