How to Fix Inverted Nipples is a Breakout-style game in which our goal is to destroy all the bricks on the screen. It..it is an oddly named title, and I can’t deny that alone was enough for me to fork over the cash to see what it’s all about. I didn’t even check what genre what we’ll be calling Inverted Nipples from now belonged to before it suddenly found itself in my library. If you’ve ever wondered how this website operates or plans things, there’s your behind-the-scenes view of how we’ve somehow fumbled our way into having any kind of viewership.
Ahem, my rambling aside, let’s talk about Inverted Nipples now, shall we? If you’ve ever played Breakout or one of its many clones, you’ll know precisely what is on offer here. It doesn’t reinvent the brick-destroying genre or add anything unique gameplay-wise. You control the paddle at the bottom of the screen, avoid obstacles, and aim your ball into eradicating said bricks. This is a timeless formula that Inverted Nipples may not add upon, yet it remains as fun as ever. Well, maybe saying it has nothing unique going for it may be a tad unfair. The girl in the background moans every time we break a brick, because nothing turns women on like a man that knows his Breakout.
To control the paddle, we can either use the cursor keys or the left & right mouse buttons. Sadly, there is no option to have the paddle simply follow your mouse movements. It controls well enough, though the low frame rate of this engine causes movement to look noticeably choppy. The lack of smoothness is something you’ll quickly get used to and is unlikely to be the cause of letting the ball get past your paddle. Inverted Nipples also suffers from poor hit-detection, yet oddly enough, that does end up helping us. Even if the ball is visually below where you can reach it, moving your paddle on top of it flings the ball back up as if we’ve hit it. You have to be quick, however. There is only a brief moment before it reaches a threshold where it counts as a lost life.
We start each level off with three lives, represented by the strawberries on the right of the screen. Losing a ball is hardly the end of the world, despite the seemingly low amount we have to spare. Inverted Nipples is quite generous in the number of power-ups and lives it throws at us. Some of the abilities we can briefly make use of include freezing time to throw the ball where we want, making our paddle larger, and embedding a great strength into the ball. The latter will cause it to go through any bricks with ease instead of bouncing back on first contact. It is a valuable way to quickly clear a level and well worth getting whenever possible.
Upon beginning the game, we can only access Easy mode. The store page kind of undersells this title due to strange wording. There are 6 backgrounds, not stages as they claim. While each difficulty has six levels to get through, the layouts are entirely unique for each. It ultimately results in a total of 18 screens to conquer. We also can’t access a higher difficulty without first completing an easier one. This is a campaign or level selection menu for all intents and purposes, not a way to increase the challenge. Sure, the later stages get more intricate, but it doesn’t necessarily make things harder as the name implies. You still get three lives, the power-ups are just as abundant as ever, and the sluggish speed at which the ball moves is unchanged.
I can’t recall another occasion where I had to defend a game in a review. Any other title would try to make its features sound more extensive and significant than they are. What a mysterious game. In any case, you’ve likely noticed the lewd backgrounds. There are only six of them, but we can make the girl with the famed nipples wear glasses for some variety. It is not something you have much time to look at while in actual gameplay. The ball may be slow, yet it remains fast enough to cause a lost life if you’re flat-out not paying attention. If you care about getting a high score, that can sting. On the other hand, it is hardly a big deal with the abundance of lives thrown our way. This is more of a relaxed type of experience than one that wants to challenge the player.
After making your way through all of the 18 stages, you will be rewarded with a special CG and a Gallery Mode to freely view all the artwork. It will also unlock an auto-mode where the game plays itself so you can hear her moaning. This title can be played with one hand, but this provided method makes it much easier for a quick wank and cigarette break. Joking aside, the H content is all right. It is more of an added bonus than something to purchase Inverted Nipples for. You’ve likely seen most of what it offers in the H department from the screenshots alone. I also found it disappointing that the CG for beating the game was just a slight variation from the title screen. On that same note, I did find it entertaining that she now has the exact opposite problem of inverted nipples.
An unfortunate fault of this title is that there is not a fullscreen mode. It is locked to a tiny 480p window, which is hardly ideal. A program like Lossless Scaling is needed if you are on a high-resolution monitor. Heck, even at 1080p, the window would be too small for comfort. In total, this game lasted me around an hour and a half. Not too shabby for a four-dollar title. This is probably an unintended addition, but Inverted Nipples provides transparent PNGs of all the H content. You could find them in the Graphics > Pictures subfolders. Intentional or not, I feel it adds a good deal more value to Inverted Nipples.
This is a pretty rudimentary addition to this genre, though a fully functional and enjoyable one. Success becomes more of a matter of attrition than skill with how slow the ball moves and questionable ways it launches off the paddle. Given the patience of not letting the ball get past you, anyone of any skill level can eventually conquer all 18 stages. It does make me wish it had an actual difficulty mode for those of us more experienced in the Breakout style gameplay, but it remains entertaining enough regardless. Inverted Nipples is an inoffensive and relaxed way to kill a few hours. The hentai is just an extra. Also, my apologies if anyone got here from a search engine seeing the title of this game and thinking I have a solution for this condition. I’ve no doubt anyone would think otherwise, but I lack the medical qualification to suggest quite literally anything. If I were to say that you should drink water often to avoid dehydration, I’d still take that as fake news.
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