Captain Fly and the Sexy Students is a bizarre game as you could no doubt have guessed from the title alone. In it, we play as a fly that has found itself inside of a school. Not for the girls mind you, they are mere background objects to us. What we are after are both food and feces. Yes, feces. I have no clue how or why someone has taken it upon themselves to poo in the strangest of places, like on top of the school’s lockers and on their computers, but it is best not to question it. Your first order of business should be finding where food is located as you starve to death very quickly. Any food object will set you to max fullness, so just scouting and remembering their locations will help you survive much longer than gobbling them up at once.
Collecting poo does not have any benefits until you manage to collect five of them. Once you do, you can activate your magical vision that lets you see through everyone’s clothing for a limited time. That is where the R18+ rating comes from as you will now fly around in an all girl’s school, full of a small selection of Unity bought nude anime models. You can not interact with them in any way, so they honestly are not relevant at all to the gameplay. This x-ray vision mode’s actual benefit is that your hunger will no longer deplete while it is active. It gains you a reasonable amount of time to find where all the items are.
All of the items will be randomly generated each time you start a run, meaning you can’t memorize the level. Everything that you pick up will be added to your overall score, so there actually is a purpose for gathering as much as possible and staying alive. There are no leaderboards, but the score does give you something to do after the novelty of the angelic music that plays when you activate xxx-ray mode wears off. The entire novelty of this title will wear off quite quickly, in fact. Not only are the tank-like controls of your fly clunky, but this is also the slowest fly that has ever existed. It takes absolute ages to get anywhere. Instead of feeling like an arcade based score attack game, it is more likely to simply have you reconsidering your life’s choices as you very slowly hover towards another hunk of poop.
Honestly, the speed is the main issue here. If they could speed it up or add another flying speed other than a dead stop and the current slow hover, it could be more entertaining. It would still not be akin to being the next Ace Combat game, yet that simple tweak would make the title get dull at a far slower rate. There is a decent chunk of land to explore on the school grounds. Fly outside of it, however, and there is absolutely nothing to see. Even the school building’s second floor is entirely abandoned. There are all types of background objects, yet items never spawn up there, nor is there a soul to be found either. With how slow you move, trying to explore the second floor is a death sentence, and feels like an incomplete part of the map.
This is pretty much all there is to the game. Moving at a snail’s pace in the hopes of collecting things, perv on random girls, and then die. Philosophical really. At three dollars, there are certainly worse ways to waste your cash. This title is good for a few short-lived laughs, and yet another way to make people on your Steam friends list question your sanity. There is no way to interact with or pester the girls, it is very much just a Collectathon at its core with some nudity thrown in. I’ve played it for half an hour and will probably never boot it up again. It is not the worst thing I’ve ever played, but it is also not a good enough title that I would recommend it to anybody other than those that want to ironically pretend to like it. Captain Fly and the Sexy Students is indeed up there with some of the strangest games on Steam, yet for those that want something similar and better made, I would point you to Mr. Mosquito for the PlayStation 2.
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